Christmas is a time of cheer - the ads insist it's so! Friends and family should be enjoying social moments under the summer sun. Shops spill over with gifts. Festive foods garner every available retail inch shouting 'this is Christmas/Hanukah/Eid - buy me'. For simplicity sake let's call these images, 'Christmas X'.

Through our own experience and exposure to Christmas X year after year, most of us have a whole databank of expectations for December month - primarily that December is a time to feel happy through giving and social activities. But in truth happiness only arises when what you expect to happen, happens. This means people who have got my 'Christmas X' planned and in place, you're in luck - chances are, even with the Rand the way it is, your Christmas will be wonderful!

But I feel sure that for as many happily planned Christmas X's, there are an equal number of people who are not looking forward to Christmas simply because it isn't 'Christmas X' for them. Suicidal feelings increase over this period for this very reason. But you don't have to feel deprived, lonely or ignored because your December 25 does not look like 'Christmas X'.

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that circumstances bring about happiness, but this is as far from the truth. Happiness and peace of mind come about as a result of what we think about our lives.

It's not whether you will have a quiet sandwich on your own on the 25th that counts, it's what you think about that moment that holds the power. It's not whether are able to afford a lavish meal that matters, it's the thoughts that go through your mind about what you are eating that determines your experience. Being alone and being happy this Christmas is possible. Not having presents and still feeling blessed is possible too. You just need to get your mindset right.

Changing your mindset involves two things: choice and discipline. In this moment make the uplifted choice that irrespective of your circumstances this Christmas, you choose to have peace of mind and a sense of happiness. Record this moment by writing in your diary 'this Christmas I choose peace of mind and happiness irrespective'.

Then you need to overturn those man made notions of 'Christmas X' by realising the 25th of the month is just the 25th. Say to yourself out loud, 'where is it written in the sky that this is Christmas, and on Christmas I should ...?'

Make a sign 'I choose peace instead of this'. Put it up where you will see it often. Now the discipline part is needed. Having made this choice, you have to discipline your thought process by cutting off images of 'Christmas X', and replacing them instead with visions of you being happy whilst spending time on your own or not buying things.

By repeatedly forcing your mind to see these alternate images, and by repeatedly speaking positives about your current reality, you will teach your mind new expectations and beliefs. The current beliefs were put in place by repetition, and new beliefs are imprinted in the same way.

So if you too are faced with what society considers a poor lonely Christmas, know this: it's only lonely or poor if you think it is. Toss away those limiting expectations about what does or doesn't constitute a good time. Create a space for happiness to arrive. You are infinitely powerful to have peace of mind, you just have to choose it.

© Catherine M Glennie